*1* The Naming of Elves

*1*  The Naming of Elves

I have decided on the name, Snowglὄb.

There's no “e” on the end and an umlaut above the “o.”
It's my joke and my tiny rebellion.


Today is my first day working as a department store Elf in Santaland. Today we get to choose our Elf names, although I find that to be somewhat suspect as every suggestion I have is immediately shot down by Eduardo, one of the numerous managers of Santaland.
Eduardo is one of the slightly less lame managers; he’s a cross between one of the Goonies and Horatio Sanz with a glandular problem. He's normally very creative, a part time magician (please don't judge), with a  subtle sense of humor, but when it comes to Elf names, he's a bit stringent and uptight.


“Shark Attack?”
“No.”
“Come on, Shark Attack is a great name for an Elf?”


Of course, it doesn't help that my suggestions are ridiculous and I'm being an asshole.



his becomes a game. Everyday for the next two weeks, I am a nameless Elf, and I pester Eduardo with the most worthless, inappropriate suggestions possible. Most of the Elf names on his list are so sacharinne-y, that I have to crinkle up my nose in disgust at his suggestions.


“You can be Winky?” He says.
I crinkle up my nose.
“How about Snowtard?”, I counter.
“No.
“Phetalketanurics? ”
He stares me down.


“ 'Dances with Penguins'? 'He-Who-Walks-Behind-The-Toys'? 'Speedbump'? ”


Eduardo shakes his head.
“Why not? I could be a Traffic Elf, directing Reindeer traffic?”


“It's not Christmasy!”


“But you let Katie be Skittelz...and Skittelz isn't Christmasy?”
“Keep trying,” he says.
“How about TBD?”, I mumble as he waddles off.


My plan is to pitch him the worst names possible and then sneak one in that's kind of cool, but doesn't seem as threatening. My pitches kind of go like this.


“Elf Ron Hubbard?!”
“No”
“Elfis Costello?”
“No”
“ProElf or ProChoice?”


He stares at me. “Why would you say such a thing?”

Sheepishly, I shrug my shoulders, 
"I'm seeking balance?"


"How about...Felix Navidad...?” 
I say this carefully, slyly, knowing that this is an awesome elf name and he will have to pick the lesser of all evils to appease me.




And he never does.



So I became Snowglὄb, by default. 


SnowGLOBE is on Eduardo's list.


I took the “e” off the end and added an umlaut.


It is the 
tiny, 
tiny, 
tiniest of rebellions... but it is mine.