I had a very long morning with a Santa that I refer to as Somewhat Fabulous Santa.
What most people don't know, (and I'm probably going to have a fatwah placed upon my head by the secret society of Elves), is that at this famous department store that shall remain unnamed, there are as many as 6 actors at a time playing Santa in 6 different, but well hidden Santa houses. This is how the store manages so many people.
Somewhat Fabulous Santa has a flair for the dramatic and theatrical, which can get annoying. Somewhat Fabulous Santa REALLY wants to be on the stage. Somewhat Fabulous Santa loves to perform. I noticed this when I realized he has a set "routine" that tends to be directed more to the parents than it is to the bobbing toddlers placed upon his knee.
When the children come into the Santa house, he has a habit of reaching out to them, twirling his white gloved hands in the air as if to say "Look at me! Look at me!" and in a cooey high pitched counter-tenor saying, "Release the little angels!"
Maybe it's the over sustained sing songy "Reeeeeeleeeease" that does it, but it's enough to make any castrati wince and hold onto his missing barnacles.
His routine consists of an opening joke about not being able to spell X-box. Then he proceeds to talk about fashion, jewelry and American Girl dolls. All of this is fine, except that he does it to the tune of the "Lonely Goat Herd" from The Sound of Music. I admit, I was impressed by his yodeling prowess.
I found it to be quite captivating the first 36 times I heard it. After that I upgraded him to Extremely Fabulous Santa...which is a good thing.
Finally, 103 visits later, I was reassigned to Weather Map Elf, where I was able to draw pictures of sharks eating seals in the Adriatic Sea.
*****
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